No One Ever Taught Us How to Spend Time with Ourselves: Here Is How
When we’re young, we’re always told to fit in. We hear it from teachers, family, and friends. The message is clear: you need to belong. We’re told to make friends so we’re not alone, to be part of groups, to follow what everyone else is doing. Being alone is seen as bad. Being alone means something is wrong.
As kids, standing out and being different feels scary. We don’t want to be rejected or left out. So, we quickly learn that being different means we don’t fit in—and not fitting in feels like failure.
But as we grow older, we start to see things differently. We realize that it’s actually okay to go in another direction. The pressure to belong becomes less important as we understand that we don’t always need to be like others.
However, even though we know this, no one ever teaches us how to spend time alone.
The Pressure to Fit In
Belonging is something we all want. We need connection and understanding from others, so it makes sense that we try hard to fit in. We want to be part of the group, and we think if we don’t follow the crowd, we might be left out.
But when we try so hard to fit in, we can lose touch with who we really are. We become people that others expect us to be, instead of being ourselves. And because of this, spending time by ourselves becomes unfamiliar, maybe even uncomfortable.
Stop Trying To Fit In
At some point, we start to understand that it’s okay not to always fit in. This moment can come after a big change in life, or maybe after some deep thinking. Suddenly, going your own way feels less scary and more freeing.
But even if we accept this idea, we may not know what it really means to spend time with ourselves. How do we do it when we’re so used to being surrounded by others or staying busy?
Date Yourself
Even though we realize the value of being alone, we aren’t taught how to enjoy time by ourselves. We hear about “self-care” a lot—like taking a relaxing bath or watching a show. But those are just small breaks.
Spending time with yourself means more than just relaxing. It’s about building a relationship with you. In a world that values being busy all the time, it can feel strange or even guilty to take time for yourself. But when we do, it can bring clarity, peace, and happiness.
For example, imagine you’re invited to an event, and you look at your schedule and realize you’re free that day. The easy response might be to say yes and fill that open spot. After all, we’re supposed to be social, right?
But what if you said no? Not because you’re too tired, but because you want to spend time with yourself? What if you took yourself out for a walk, watched your favorite movie, or just relaxed at home? This is more than just a break—it’s a chance to reconnect with yourself, away from what others expect of you.
You’re Not Selfish
Being alone isn’t selfish, and it’s not about avoiding other people. It’s about taking the time to reflect and grow. It allows us to think, feel, and hear our inner voice—the one that can get lost in the noise of daily life.
Spending time alone gives us the space to ask ourselves important questions: Who am I when I’m alone? What do I enjoy when I’m not trying to impress anyone? How do I feel when I’m just being me?
These questions aren’t always easy. After years of trying to fit in, it’s possible that we don’t even know the answers right away. But by spending time with ourselves, we start to uncover the person we really are.
The Path to Self-Discovery
Learning to spend time alone doesn’t mean rejecting others. It’s about balancing the time we spend with people and the time we spend on our own. Both are important. When we spend time alone, we allow ourselves to explore who we are without pressure.
So the next time someone invites you out and you have a free day, think about saying no—not because you’re busy, but because you want to spend that time with yourself. Think of it as an important appointment with you.
In a world that pushes us to always fit in, remember the importance of standing on your own.
